The annual July 4 Horribles Parade in Beverly Farms, Massachusetts, is notorious for its satirical floats.
In addition to the usual red-white-and-blue kids and colonial reenactors, this morning’s parade offered floats commenting on the presidential campaigns of Republican Donald Trump (one float depicted the wall Trump talks of building between the United States and Mexico) and Democrat Hillary Clinton, the 1990s Bill Clinton sex scandals, gender-neutral bathrooms, the Zika virus, and the gorilla killed at the Cincinnati Zoo in May (“#Gorilla Lives Matter,” read one float).
Captions here transcribe the texts of the floats’ signs. For example, above, the “America” side of the Trump Wall float included signs reading: “The silent majority stands with Trump.” “If Trump’s in it’s a win-win.” “Trump called the ball so we started the wall.” “Bill chose other women over Hillary…you should too!” “If Trump or Hillary are on a boat, who wins? America!” “Life’s a bitch don’t elect one.”
“Mexico” side of Trump wall float: “Hillary’s claim to fame…Monica was her name.” “‘Good Luck Hillary, don’t blow it!’–Monica Lewinsky.” “How many Mexicans does it take to build a wall? Just Juan!” “George didnt think that would receive that drink for candy.” “You might think Trump is a grump but Larry got blood in his dump.” “Illegals go free while Bouque gets a DUI.” “Hillary Clinton outsourcing blowjobs since 1995.” (Greg Cook)Donald Trump pinata hung from the back of motorcycle with Mexican insignia on rear bumper. (Greg Cook)The “Too PC West Beach” float: “Assholes are gender neutral.” “#Gorilla Lives Matter.” “Public Pools: The Original Transgender Bathroom.” “Male/Female, whatever. Just wash your hands.” (Greg Cook)The “Too PC West Beach” float: “Adam and Steve not Adam and Eve.” “Will he take a piss or spy on your miss.” “The Cincinnati Zoo is such a drag.” “Free Harambe.” [Harambe was the name of the gorilla killed in May 2016 to protect a three-year-old boy who climbed into the animal’s cage at the Cincinnati Zoo.] (Greg Cook)The “Straight Outta Options” float: “Hillary may have Warren in her pocket Trump should just be sent away on a rocket.” “No one can get along maybe they need a hit from Snoops bong.” “Trump likes to give Rosie crap, he’s mad cause she won’t ride on his lap.” “Fool-aid.” “The Clinton’s making America sticky again!” “Bill went for an Oval Room quickie, all he found was Hillary’s Dicky.” “Dear Diary….It’s me Hilliary note to self delete all email before I go to jail!!” “Take a dump for your favorite chump!” (Greg Cook)The “Straight Outta Options” float: “Trump’s gonna build great wall like China. Hill built one around Monica’s vagina.” “Mrs. Clean.” “Trump’s new reality series The Amazing Racist.” “Trump…I’m a grower not a show-er I’m Yuge!” “Hope the gun laws don’t go dead, so we can shoot what’s on Trump’s head!” “They are all caught with their pants down they just want to pound the clown.” “Bill Clinton was a great lickha but still could not get a W.B. stickha.” (Greg Cook)The “Straight Outta Options” float: “No one can get along maybe they need a hit from Snoops bong.” “Trump likes to give Rosie crap, he’s mad cause she won’t ride on his lap.” “Fool-aid.” “The Clinton’s making America sticky again!” “Bill went for an Oval Room quickie, all he found was Hillary’s Dicky.” Note: “Trump Secret Service” agent armband. (Greg Cook)The “Auntie Zika comes to the Farms” float: “I should have just stayed in bed, but I went to Brazil to get a little head.” “My wife may be Bitchin’ but I hope she don’t start itchin’.” “You may get a little sick at least you didn’t get bit by a tick.” “As the years go by we might do a float on Microcephaly High.” “Having a tiny head kind of blows, the only job I’ll ever get is working at Lowes.” (Greg Cook)The “Auntie Zika comes to the Farms” float: “To the zika virus we may fall, if we don’t hurry up and build Trumps wall.” “Every nite I lay in bed and play with my other little head.” “Bloody Mary Ashley got a pass, no bug would bite her fat nasty ass.” (Greg Cook)The “Horrible Parents #LikeMyKidOnInstagram” float: “Oh Dad, you are such a winner! You let our kid be alligator dinner.” “My kid failed math so I made a fuss I brought in my lawyer … and he got an A+.” “My baby is neither female nor male, its diet consists of quinoa and kale!” “Whenever my husband and I want to bone we just hand over the kids their iPhone.” (Greg Cook)The “Horrible Parents #LikeMyKidOnInstagram” float: “My daughter Maxine is sick as F*ck. I don’t believe in vaccines so she is sh*t out of luck.” “An alligator grabbed my kid and swam. You can check it all out on my Instagram. #gatorgram.” “It’s hard to raise a kid in 2016. I just give him to the nanny when he makes a scene.” “My kids got zika. He looks cute in small hats. Find out more on my snapchats!” “My kid has affluenza and he’s really sick. Is there an iPhone app to help this little prick.” “My kid’s got a bike that he can’t pedal. But don’t you worry he’s still got a medal.” (Greg Cook)
“Mr. Potato Head for President! Vote for me ‘A potato in every pot!'” (Greg Cook)Representing Splash, the home decor shop in Manchester-by-the-Sea. (Greg Cook)Colonial reenactors at the Beverly Farms Horribles Parade. (Greg Cook)Military truck at the Beverly Farms Horribles Parade. (Greg Cook)Marching band at the Beverly Farms Horribles Parade. (Greg Cook)“Here Come the Kids” at the Beverly Farms Horribles Parade. (Greg Cook)Colonial reenactors at the Beverly Farms Horribles Parade. (Greg Cook)
![The "Too PC West Beach" float: "Adam and Steve not Adam and Eve." "Will he take a piss or spy on your miss." "The Cincinnati Zoo is such a drag." "Free Harambe." [Harambe was the name of the gorilla killed in May 2016 to protect a three-year-old boy who climbed into the animal's cage at the Cincinnati Zoo.] (Greg Cook)](https://gregcookland.com/wonderland/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/picBeverlyFarmsHorribles160704a_1000w.jpg)
