For Sale: Custom 1977 Dodge B200 Maxi Van – $5000 (Lakeville, MA):

“I am the 3rd owner of this van, which originally hailed from Massillon, Ohio. From birth, it was converted, painted and used exclusively as a tailgating van at Massillon Tiger football games. Sometime in the late 80’s, it was put to rest in a barn until the second owner, Chris, received it in a barter for providing body work services to the original owners other classic cars. Chris tuned the van up, worked out all the long term storage kinks and drove it for a few months. In May of 2013, after realizing vanning wasn’t for him, Chris bequest this beauty to me. 1.5 years later, I have come to learn that I don’t have the capacity to care for this vintage piece of Americana. After 10,000 unforgettable miles, I set out to find this van’s next caretaker.

“This van is near immaculate. The original murals were not properly clear coated and the UV rays have brought the passenger side work to it’s demise, but the original paint has held its luster. There is not a spot of rot and the chrome is spotless. It stands on P275/60R-15 BFGoodrich Radial T/A tires mounted on 15×8 American Racing Ansen Sprint wheels. With the exception of a super fly stainless diff cover, wheels, tires, fuzzy dice and a power outlet on the dash (an option in ’77), no other modifications have been made. The motor runs strong, but much desires a free breathing 4 barrel carb and straight pipes. Remember, there are no emissions tests on 77’s, so you can put whatever loud, obnoxious, restriction free exhaust system you wish on this girl. Want more? It recently passed MA safety inspection.

“Wait… your wife doesn’t like it? Grow a pair. It burns too much gas? You’re not American. You don’t like the lone Siberian tiger in the birch forest? You’re a loser. You think this will be a great work van? You’re going to hell. You want to trade for something? I don’t want your crap either. Do you want to live life like a maniac; like every day is a lucid dream? Do you want to travel the country stopping to eat, drink, bang, fishbowl and sleep wherever you see fit? Do you want to roll up to a stack of dinkasses stroking each other in a Skyliner and swing open the barn doors to reveal a pile of babes, music and a bar? Y O U C A N make it happen. Call today and fulfill your wildest vantacy.

– 25000 miles (no joke)
– Crystler 318 motor.
– wall to wall shag (black light interior lighting not recommended)
– premium Grundig cassette deck (buyer gets complimentary Duran Duran and Kiss tapes, as well as a classic rock mix tape)
– water tight sunroof !!WOWZERS!! They always leak. Not this one.
– new wheels and tires (10k miles). White lettering out because this whip is classy. If you put the lettering on the inside, the van will self destruct.

“Keywords: 77, ’77, van, maxi, dodge, custom, conversion, shaggin wagon, vantacy, not the Scooby Mobile (That was an early, this is a mid. Get your vans straight.)”

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